What is Love?

Is Jesus’ understanding of love the same as ours?

What weighty matter are we going to talk about this time? Well, if I were to phrase this as a question, it would be, “What is love?” Now before you say, “Oh, great. Here we go with a bunch of sentimental mush.” That is exactly why we need to talk about it. Is love, as Jesus understood it, just an emotion? Or is it something more? And why is it important to know?

To start with the last question first, it is important to know because…

But where’s my manners? Welcome to our kitchen table, where we share good conversation over good coffee. And if you like these get-togethers and this way of talking things over, please like this video and subscribe to this channel. Thank you.

First, a brief reminder of what it means to be a Christian, and then we’ll get into why this is important to know. Christianity is first and foremost a relationship with Jesus that leads to studentship from him, that then leads to a life lived for him based on everything learned. I’ll link to the full discussion about this below in the description box.

Ok, so, why is this important to know? Well, I think first and foremost, because we are told that if we do not love, we don’t even know God.1  So, it might be a good idea to know what it is, right? Since Christianity is first and foremost about a relationship, how can we be in a relationship with someone we don’t know? Also, it is important because Jesus says that all the other commands in the Bible are based on the two greatest commands. And both of them are to love: God first and then our neighbors.2 So, if this relationship leads to our learning from him and living for him based on all we learn, how will we truly be learning from him when we overlook a principal component of what is being taught? Or how can we fully live out what he is teaching if we have not fully understood or truly grasped what is being taught? And later, Jesus says that if these are followed, we will inherit eternal life.3 This tells me that if we do not follow both of these, then we do not inherit eternal life. All this makes it very important to grow in our understanding of love.

So, what is love? Well, you and I tend to think of love as an emotion; right? An emotion, one that is on the more pleasant side of things; one that makes us feel good. But in light of what we were just talking about and especially in light of what Jesus has said about love, well, since Jesus doesn’t lie, let me ask you this: is he truly saying that all the other commands given are based on feel-good emotion? And is he saying that being emotional is the way into eternal life? Or is there something else at play here?

Since Jesus was indeed referencing the two greatest commands, I reread those passages4 to glean the context of what he was saying. And I came away from them thinking that we actually cheapen love by limiting it to being just a feel-good emotion. No, no, no… hang with me for just a moment.

From reading each of the three passages that contain these commands, we are told to love God with our whole heart, mind, soul, and strength.4 I find that this shows love to be more than our understanding of it; it is not merely an emotion.

This is because it requires our entire being in order to love. Yes, it requires our heart, our emotions, and desires. They are part of love. But love also requires much more than that. It requires our mind, our thoughts, and choices. It requires our soul, all that is in us, all of who we are; we could say our will. And it requires our strength; it requires that we act. So, here’s what occurred to me: love cannot merely be an emotion, since we must use our emotions alongside all these other things to love. Indeed, if it takes our entire being to love God, then love cannot be any of those four things by itself. Not the doing, not the choices, not the will, and not the emotions. Have you thought of that before? So what is love?

Well, it occurred to me that if love is the basis for all commands, perhaps we could find something of a description of love in the Bible that would go a long way toward helping us understand it. I did find a few things. I will list all the Bible references in the description area.

First, I found a description in two different places where we are specifically told why love is the basis for all other commands, or, put another way, why it fulfills the law. A good place to start, don’t you think?

The first place is in Galatians 5,5 where we are told that love humbly serves others, and that is why it fulfills the law. And the second is in Romans 13,6 where we are told that love fulfills the law because it does no harm to a neighbor. So, love is service that does no harm. Not a bad starting description, is it?

But wouldn’t it be nice if there were a more detailed description of love - one that gives examples of what this serving while doing no harm looks like? I thought so too, so I kept looking and found a couple of interesting descriptions. Where we are told that love is patient, kind, and does not envy, boast, or become arrogant. It is not rude, selfish, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs done, does not delight in evil, and rejoices in truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. And it never fails. 7 And elsewhere we are told that love forgives. 8 All of which certainly puts some meat on the bones of the phrases “does no harm” and “humbly serve others,” do they not? And all of this does entail much more than mere emotion, does it not? Ok, so, what else might we find out about what love is?

Would you believe I found a passage that actually explains how we know what love is? It actually starts by saying, “By this we know love.” It says that the way we know what love is is this: that Jesus laid down his life for us. And so we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.9 

As I thought about this, I realized that Jesus took love to a whole new level. He shows that love chooses to spend itself for the benefit of others. Let that sink in for a moment; love selflessly sacrifices itself as needed for the benefit of others. And this is how we are to live, selflessly spending ourselves for the benefit of others. The as-needed part should not be glossed over; yet, it is a topic for another day. For now, it is enough to see that mere emotion alone can’t do that. For example, when Jesus said, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death…. Father, if it is possible, take this cup from me.”10 And then, having, in great anguish, his sweat became like drops of blood in the garden.11 Well… it was not mere emotion that kept him going. He wasn’t feeling all warm and fuzzy about what was to come. But it was love, something more than emotion, both for the Father and for us, that kept him going in spite of the strong emotion that wanted to stop. So here, love is actually opposed to his emotions. What an interesting thought: love opposed to emotions.

And I found a passage that starts off by stating, and I quote, “This is love.” It says, “This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 12 And, mind you, we are told that he did this while we were still his enemies, while we did not know or care about him.13 Again, no mere feel-good emotion here.

So, we know what love is because Jesus came, and this is love: that Jesus came. For God so loved the world that he sent his only son so that all who believe will not perish but have eternal life.14  God sent Jesus, God in a human body; he did not send an emotion.

Now, an interesting side note, but one that also ties this into what we’re talking about. Do you know what Jesus called “eternal life?” Was it living forever, never dying? No. Jesus says that it is knowing the one true God, both the Father and himself.15 Isn’t that interesting? Knowing God, and that does mean being in a loving relationship with him, is eternal life. So, love is that which makes it possible for the enemies of God to not merely cease being enemies but also to become family. Yeah, once again, more than an emotion.

Is that what you were expecting when I first asked the question, what is love?

Oh, do we have time for one more passage? I’ll be brief; this one says, “This is love: that we walk in obedience to God’s command, and his command is that you walk in love, that you love one another.”16 So, this is love: that we walk in love. Is God commanding us to walk around in an emotional state, being all emotional toward each other? Yeah… Don’t think so.

And have you noticed the Bible never mentions our doing this if we feel like it? Well, I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but it’s important to grasp that feelings, by themselves, are not love. 

Well, with all these descriptions of love, perhaps the time has come to put them together into a working definition of love, one we will use in all our times together. And we need to do so while looking at this through the same lens of what it means to be a Christian, the first step of which is choosing a relationship with Jesus. So, Love is: First and foremost, the choice to accept a relationship with God, then a commitment to that relationship, and then a willful follow-through on that choice and commitment by doing whatever is required by them to grow that relationship (we could say, to become his student and live our lives based on all we learn). It is also a choice that involves our will, thoughts, actions, emotions, and desires; it involves our entire being, or it is not love. And this choice of a relationship with God involves choosing the same with our fellow human beings; otherwise it is not love. For we do not even know God if we do not love our fellow human beings.19

Not a bad definition. Now yes, much, much more could be said. But the time has come for your part of the conversation. Let me know your thoughts on this in this video’s comments section. Thank you for listening and for sharing.

Oh, I almost forgot: there is a free feature on our website called Thought of the Day. It is posted each morning at 8 am CST in the hope that these thoughts inspire you and help you contemplate God and your relationship with him throughout the day. The link is in the description box below. Also, check out our new audio podcast, also linked in the description box. This is hosted by Gerald Yerkes, who recently retired from the pastorate after serving 54 years in that capacity. Join him as he brings this experience to share insights into God, God’s Word, and living the Christian life. His goal is to help you prepare yourself so that when the time finally comes to stand directly before God, you can present yourself to him unashamedly. This is based on Paul’s encouragement to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:15.

Well, until next time, then. May you continue to grow in your relationship, your learning, and your living, based on everything learned. May your relationship with Jesus grow, and may coffee, into your cup, always flow.

Scripture Referenced:

1 James 4:8 If we do not love, we don’t know God.

The 2 Greatest commands:

2 Matthew 22:40 All other commands are based on love.

3 Luke 10:25-28 ~ If we follow these two commands, we will inherit eternal life.

4 Matthew 22:34-40; Luke 10:27ff; Mark 12:30  The Two Greatest Commands are to love.

Why love fulfills law:

5 Galatians 5:14  love tied to serving.

6 Romans 13:9,10  love fulfillment of law, because love does no harm to a neighbor.

Love in action:

7 1 Cor 13:4-8  what love does and never fails.

8 1 Peter 4:8  love forgives

This is how we know love:

9 1 John 3:16 - 18  By this we know love: Jesus laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  (18) Love not with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Jesus the embodiment of Love in action:

10 Matthew 26:38-39 ~ Take this cup from me.

11 Luke 22:44 ~ In anguish, his sweat became like drops of blood.

This is Love:

12 1 John 4:10 ~ This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. If we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is made complete in us.

13 Romans 5:8 ~ While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

14 John 3:16 ~ For God so loved the world…

15 John 17:3 ~ This is eternal life….

Love For God:

162 John 1:6 ~ This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment: love one another.

Other related passages:

 1 John 5:3 ~ This is the love of God, that we keep his commandments; and his commandments are not burdensome.

 John 15:10-12 ~ To live in love is to have Jesus’ joy in us and so our joy made complete.

1 John 2:5 ~ the one who keeps Gods word, his commands, in him the love of God is perfected.

1 John 5:2 ~ How we know we love the children of God when we love God and observe His commandments.

1 Corinthians 12:31 – 13:13 ~ Love is the most excellent way. No matter what else we know and can do, it is worse than meaningless without love. Everything else will pass away, but love never will. (Emotions perish, but not love.)